Rainie Howard is a woman who has truly mastered the art of walking in purpose. She is a highly sought-after relationship coach, award-winning author, host, fashion designer, and humanitarian. Certainly, she does a lot. The common thread in all her endeavors—her dedication to helping others find transformation in their lives mentally, emotionally, physically, and spiritually.
As a married woman of seventeen years and the founder of Real Love Exist, Rainie knows a thing or two about what it takes to cultivate a healthy relationship and walk in purpose. Dorisma got a chance to chat to her about why she wrote her latest book, Addicted to Pain, and her views on healthy love, walking in confidence, and navigating purpose.
Can you walk us through your story of becoming?
Writing has always been therapeutic for me. I have been journaling since I was in middle school. I grew up in a single parent home. My dad had a drug addiction and he spent much of my childhood in and out of jail. After being bullied in 7th grade I began having low self-esteem. My environment taught me to be a people pleaser and those things had an impact on my relationships. My curiosity for spirituality and psychology led me to writing self-help books. It was a natural progression of my growing as a person and my desire to inspire and connect with others.
What inspired you to write Addicted to Pain?
After blogging and publishing my first relationship book, “When God Sent My Husband,” I started coaching women who had a deep desire to have a healthy relationship, but they felt stuck. I noticed that many of them were carrying emotional pain from past relationships and they were attracting the same toxic relationships.
One day during a relationship coaching session after a client said she had been in two different relationships within the past twelve months and both men used her and cheated. The thought came to me and I said it out loud to her, “It’s like you’re addicted to pain.” She agreed and said, “yes that’s exactly what it is.” I then begin studying the psychology term “toxic love addiction” and that led me to write the book.
I was very afraid of releasing the book. I thought people would think I was crazy and even thought it didn’t make sense. I was so nervous about releasing it but out of all seven of my books, it’s my best-selling one.
It's better to go into a relationship full of love to bring rather than going in depleted, needy, and desperate. Self-love is the foundation of attracting a healthy relationship.
What would you tell a woman looking for healthy love after failed attempts?
Instead of looking for healthy love, become healthy love for yourself, through self-love. As you focus more on self-care and nurturing who you are mind, body and spirit, you will attract healthier relationships. No relationship will fulfill you, not even a healthy relationship. It’s better to go into a relationship full of love to bring rather than going in depleted, needy, and desperate. Self-love is the foundation of attracting a healthy relationship.
Can you explain your take on singleness? How can a woman maximize her single season as she waits on her husband?
We all start single. Being single is being whole and it’s a very important stage of your life. Nurture the relationship with yourself first and enjoy being single. Have fun. When you do this, it doesn’t feel like waiting for a husband but more like enjoying your life. The relationship you have with yourself with impact all relationships.
What would you say to the woman struggling with insecurity or a lack of self-worth?
Get to the root thoughts and beliefs that are causing those feelings and address them. Also get committed to your healing process.
It is clear that you are walking in your purpose. What advice can you give to women hoping to do the same?
Trust your inner voice, your visions, and your dreams. Instead of trying to get validation from others, focus more to validate yourself by believing in your purpose. Others don’t see the vision for your life like you do so trust that to know that it’s enough. All things are possible when you believe.
What’s one piece of advice you would give to this generation of women?
Be unapologetic about being you. Embrace your authenticity, you are enough.
Are there any final thoughts you would like to add?
You will never have to force anything that’s truly meant to be. Let go and allow it to work out. You don’t have to force, chase or beg for anything, what’s meant for you flows effortlessly.
To stay up to date with Rainie Howard, follow her on Instagram. You can purchase Addicted to Pain or any of her other books on Amazon or through her website.
Images via: Rainie Howard
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