Realigning to Your Femininity: The Truth on How to Become More Feminine

In an average self-help guide on how to become more feminine, the advice is usually rooted in points on wardrobe, grooming, and mannerisms. Though these things serve as a small portion of what constitutes femininity, there are so many other facets to consider when aiming to realign yourself with your femininity. 

I use the word realign here with great intentionality because a lot of women have been approaching femininity from the wrong angle. We expend so much energy on figuring out how to become more feminine when the reality is, if we were born female, we were innately born feminine. The problem that most of us are faced with is that life and its many trials and tribulations have nurtured us to be less feminine, despite our intrinsic nature. 

The Difference Between Nature and Nurture

Let’s take a deeper look at this. According to Simply Psychology, the nurture vs. nurture discussion involves exploring which aspects of one’s behavior such as personality, cognitive traits, and temperament are caused by genetic versus learned influences. Let’s take some who appear to be shy and quiet, for example. This person may just be shy by nature or their shyness may be a result of them experiencing rejection, bullying, or silencing in their childhood. In the latter case, they would have learned over time to be less and less open, friendly, and engaging upon meeting new people. This would mean their shyness is by nurture as opposed to nature. 

In terms of femininity, God created all women with an innate feminine essence; it is in every woman’s nature. Though that is our natural state, if we are not careful, life can nurture us away from our femininity. 

Being Nurtured Away From Femininity

Your Environment and Upbringing

This can happen in several ways. A common way that women are nurtured away from their femininity is through their environment, upbringing, and cultural influences. For example, a woman who grew up with all brothers, no sisters will likely grow up with more masculine characteristics. This is also true for women who mostly only have male friends. Similarly, if a young girl is ridiculed or shamed by peers or family members for “being too girly”, that girl may be taught to take on a less feminine approach to life as she grows older.

Cultural Influences

Furthermore, culturally speaking, we don’t see too many feminine behaviors being propagated or celebrated in these modern times. What started as a feminist movement to gain equivalent respect as our male counterparts, have now spiraled into an inadvertent movement where women are encouraged to be more like men, and less like women. Consequently, making a decision to live in your feminine nature can come across to many as being counter-cultural. 

Traumas and Pains

Another way women are nurtured out of their femininity is by hurt and trauma. A feminine woman is thought to be open, soft, kind, and vulnerable amongst many other honorable traits. It is a hard task for any woman to preserve these traits if they constantly experience situations that tend to punish rather than positively reinforce their femininity. 

For most women, even if you don’t resonate with any of the aforementioned feminine traits today, you can reflect back on a time when you were indeed soft, vulnerable, open, friendly, etc. However, trying to be vulnerable and friendly after having a trusted confidant stab you in the back is hard. Trying to be soft and open after getting cheated on, taken advantage of, or betrayed is also not an easy thing to do. Carrying bitterness, resentment, pain, anger, or any other unpleasant emotion will always serve as a blocker from getting in touch with your natural feminine essence. 

Realigning Back to Your Femininity

Your quest to realign back to your femininity has to be more than adding prettier dresses to your closet and buying flattering shades of lipstick. If you, by nature, already possess the feminine essence, becoming more feminine will require you to return back to you, the original and real you. It will require shedding off the adopted mindsets from culture and all the other voices that you’ve allowed to frame your worldview. It will also require healing from all of the things that caused you to put on the masculine shell as a defense mechanism. 

Learn God’s Original Intent of A Woman 

One way to change the paradigms in your mind concerning your role, identity, and purpose as a woman is through learning and studying what God’s original intent for the woman was. The book, Understanding The Purpose And Power Of Woman by Myles Munroe is a great starting place for a biblical perspective on who you were created to be as a woman. 

Prayer 

Prayer is also important when it comes to realigning back to the real you. Prayer, defined as communicating with God, is the single best way to get down to the core of who you are. The closer you get to God, your creator, the closer you’ll get to understanding what the creator had in mind when he created you. He will also begin to heal and restore you into the woman he desires you to be.  

Therapy and Healing 

Lastly, if you want to realign to your femininity you must choose to make intentional steps towards healing and becoming whole. Once you start to rid your heart and mind from all the pain and traumas, being soft and open will start to become more natural to you. There is no point in putting all your energy into looking like a soft, feminine rose if your attitude feels more like a thorn. Find a therapist and though it may be uncomfortable, do the work necessary to shed the things blocking you from your femininity.  

Most women approach femininity as if they need to become someone new or they have to add something to who they already are. That is a misconception. If you want to become more feminine, you just need to shed yourself of everything you were nurtured with and get down to the core of who you are. That feminine side of you that you desire to meet is already deep inside of you. 

Photo by Daniele Donati on Unsplash