In order to reach our highest potential, we need people. The right people bring out the best in us. They challenge us, encourage us, and build with us. They help reveal versions of ourselves that we were unaware of. The challenge comes in discerning who is meant to be part of your tribe and who is meant to stay on the outskirts.
It Starts With You
In order to truly discern who is supposed to be in your life, you have to figure out who you are and what you want and need out of life and your relationships. What are your interests? Who do you want to become? What kind of people do you need to be surrounded by? These are important questions to ask when you are cultivating your tribe.
It is just as important to evaluate the value you can bring to this very tribe. It shouldn’t be all about what you are receiving, but also, about what you bring to the table. Can you be the supportive friend that you expect from others? Can you pour into them? Can you communicate effectively? It is important to acknowledge and address our flaws when it comes to relationships because you attract and sustain what you’re ready for.
Do They Align With Your Purpose and Values?
When you think of African tribes you think of a group of people who are working towards a common goal. Some people are responsible for hunting and gathering. Others are responsible for weaving, cooking, or teaching. Each person has a different role to play but they are all striving towards a common goal. This should also be the approach we take when cultivating our tribes. Do the people in your tribe bring something of value? Do they bring you closer to your purpose or are they a dead weight? Do their values align with yours? This doesn’t mean you can’t have people with different interests, personalities, and ways of expression in your circle. In fact, you should have a well-rounded tribe that will challenge you with unique perspectives. It’s not about always seeing eye to eye but you and your tribe should share a similar vision or goal.
A Long-term Investment vs. Short-term Pleasure
Another factor to take into account is making sure you are distinguishing between people who are there for a good time and those that are there for a long time. It’s okay to have people who are there for a good time, but don’t misinterpret their role. Their ability to entertain you isn’t enough to secure them a spot in your tribe. Can they help you grow? Is there substance? If not, don’t invest in a long-term relationship with that person.
No Space For “Yes-Men”
Lastly, do the people in your life tell you what you want to hear or what you need to hear? Do they agree with your every decision and belief simply to not step on your toes? Are they looking out for your best interest long term or helping you indulge in instant gratification? The people in your tribe should not agree with everything you do. Should they support and encourage you? Yes, but not to the detriment of your growth and purpose. They should help keep you in check and on the right path, not averting their eyes once they see you leaving that path. They should tell it how it is even if it’s something you don’t want to hear but need to. If they care about you they will put in the effort to make you aware of what you are doing wrong. That’s what a tribe is supposed to do, uplift and support one another.
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